xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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