dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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