I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
