I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
