Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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