I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
