Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize