Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
