I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Shame - the story of my life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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