There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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