She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
