her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize