i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
