i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
