I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
