They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
