Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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