im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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