Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
