i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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