My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
did i walk over a car last night?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
