the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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