did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
