Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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