Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My feet surprised me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
