apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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