It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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