So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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