I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
