you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
