I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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