So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
