The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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