How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just googled if crying burns calories
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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