you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
