i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
