shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
