My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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