well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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