literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize