My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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