there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
