Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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