3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
