if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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