why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
