You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
