I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
