the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
