i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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