I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
