I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
