Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
