So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
tonight lets celebrate not being married
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
