the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
