She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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