Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
