Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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