The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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