Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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