I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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