What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
